Mom, can I put my butt in the toilet?
Mood:  chatty
Now Playing: Starsky & Hutch
My daughter just asked me if she could put her butt in the toilet? Why would someone Want to do that? I asked her, but she couldn't think of a reason. Maybe it's because she's two and doesn't really know why.

She loves the bathroom, particularly putting a whole roll of toilet paper into the toilet and then trying to flush it. Never has worked, never will. But watching mommy clean it up is apparently quite entertaining! And if you lack toilet paper, you can always use mommy's nice white hand towels instead. Yeah, mommy doesn't have those any more.

She also likes to get into my make-up and whatever else she can get her hot little hands on. Like panty liners and tampons. My husband heard her playing in there one day and went in to investigate and found her pretending my tampons were cigarettes. Interesting choice for a pretend cigarette. She thinks the panty liners are stickers and once went through a whole package of them decorating the bathroom. A lovely site I assure you.

The best incident by far was the shampoo in the toilet. I had thrown away a mostly empty bottle of baby shampoo in the waste basket next to the toilet. I guess she got bored while sitting on the pot and spotted the shampoo bottle just awaitin' an experimental gal like herself to come along and see what she could come up with. Her thought was to completely empty the bottle into the toilet. For two hours every time you flushed the toilet and nice little bunch of bubbles appeared. She flushed the toilet a lot in that two hours. But hey, she was happy and entertained.

Victory is Mine!!!!!
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: Eye of the Tiger
Short post today, just to check in. I'm on a roll cleaning the house and I'm just waiting for the kitchen floor to dry.

I noticed the ads above my last post and one states to Unburden Your Colon. Don't most people do that on a daily basis already? And why would anyone want a hose shoved up their booty to cleanse their colon. It's just gonna get full of shit again anyway.

On to my victory speech. I decided to try my hand at my son's playstation2 last night and went for the Finding Nemo video game. I kicked that game's ass!!! Sure it's meant for kids, but I'll take a little taste of victory any way I can. When I was finished I strutted around the room humming the theme from Rocky with my fists in the air. My son thought this was rather amusing and told me I'm crazy. He better be careful, some people think that type of thing is genetic.

Day of Indulgence?
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Sympathy For the Devil
I went to this so called day of indulgence sponsored by Club Mom. It was anything but indulgent. I drove half an hour to stand in line for an hour and then sit in line for another half hour to get a ten minute massage. I tried waiting in line to get my eyebrows waxed, but the wait was going to be another hour and I had to leave because rush hour traffic was starting and it was probably going to take me an hour and half and I had to get back in time to pick up my kids. The point was, you could get your hair and nails done, get a massage, have your tarot cards read and get a bunch of free samples and they were also having raffles to when gift baskets and stuff. But the problem was, they let way to many women in and the lines were so long that only the women that didn't have any where to go could actually afford to stay in line long enough to do all that. They didn't have near enough staff or anything else to accommodate all the women there. Day of indulgence, more like day of incompetence, day of indigestion, day of extreme irritation. I was so mad when I left that if any body had thought to ask me if I had a good time, I probably would have bit their head off.

Now, on to the better part of the day. I was standing in line for the massage and I could hear the women behind me talking about losing weight. And one of the ladies was describing how she only had a salad and one slice of french bread pizza to eat yesterday and she gained two pounds. "No matter what I do, I just can't lose any weight" she says. "I just don't understand it. I'm so frustrated. I hate carrying all this weight around". Now, just about the time she finishes her complaint, her comes the girl with the Krispy Kremes. Said overweight lady was so distraught and so on the path of weight loss that she took two. Presumably one for each hand.

I'm all for stuffing your face in a trough of Ben & Jerry's, but in the privacy of your own home. Where you can do it on the couch and eat right out of the carton while watching a damn good movie with a really hot guy in it. My point is, if you're going to complain publicly about being fat or whatever, don't stuff your face with Krispy Kreme dough nuts, after complaining about it. At least in all your righteousness attempt to look like you actually intend to follow through with it. Eat some fruit or something.

Now, before you think I'm pickin' on all the overweight people, I have an admission to make. I am an overweight person. Not horrendously so, but enough that you won't get me and Cindy Crawford confused should we stand next to each other. That's not likely to happen, but hey, you never know. I struggle daily to keep away from all the junk and fast food. And just for the record, I turned down the dough nut. I'm constantly on a diet and not because I think I need to be thin to be beautiful. I'm uncomfortable about 90% of the time. I don't have any energy and it's incredibly hard to find clothes that fit right. So, I've given up my boyfriends (Ben & Jerry) and I take my lunch to work instead of ordering the double bacon cheeseburger and super size fry's, like I really want to.

Sorry to go off on a rant, but today was not an especially good day.

On the up side, we have surveillance cameras in our office and you can or I should say, we can access them on the internet. I was cruisin' around looking at myself running around and noticed my boss picking his NOSE in his office. I printed a still picture of the big boss man in action and taped it to the inside of the front door, so all my co-workers could see it. Pretty damn funny and not coincidentally, the highlight of my day.

A crazy random thought & look, I got Top Billing!
Mood:  quizzical
Now Playing: I guess you're just what I needed - The Cars
I was listening to my boss's son berate the paper shredder earlier today and heard him tell it not to be a pussy. Now, what really concerns me is that not only was he talking to an inanimate object, but calling it names too.

When men tell someone or something not to be a pussy, do they mean pussy cat or the other kind of pussy? And if they mean the OTHER kind of pussy, why is that considered a derogatory term? Like it's a bad thing to be what most of them spend 80% of their lives trying to get into or talking about. I don't get it. Like telling somebody not to act like a dick. How exactly does a dick act? Sure, I've seen my share of porn, but never actually witnessed an actual penis perform Shakespeare. Is it such a bad thing to be a dick. They must have a lot of fun. Men enjoy having them.

Clearly, my mind is in the gutter today and I apologize if I've offened anyone. I often wonder about these things and I figure what could be a better place to ask that somewhere that reaches so many people? Of course that I know of, no men have read my blog, so this may not work out in my favor after all. But hey, who knows.

I'm quite surprised that another e-brawl hasn't started due to the postings on Rance's blog, but I guess it's a good thing. Maybe we can all act like adults. That would be nice wouldn't it? Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and nobody is being forced to agree with it. If you don't like, then don't read it. I saw what I expected to see as a result of RD's post to Rance. I'm glad she got an answer of some sort. I started my own blog because, hey why not! I enjoy reading other people's blogs, hopefully some will enjoy reading mine. And I like to read my own writing. Sort of like talking to yourself, you always say what you want to hear.

Well, I came back to the office so I could get some work done and have spent the last 20 minutes typing, so I need to get to work! And now they're playing crappy instrumental music on the radio. It totally blows!!!!

Long weekends really mess me up
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: I'm not exactly sure
I like three day weekends, if only because that's three days to sleep in, instead of two. And I can procrastinate on my housework a little longer. But, come Tuesday I'm all confused. I feel like it's Monday and now here it is Wednesday and I feel like it's only Tuesday and I should be excited about the weekend, but I feel out of whack. What it feels like to be in whack, I can honestly say I don't know. Logic would indicate that it's the opposite of the way I feel now, but I'm not so sure.

My oh so lovely sister-in-law and niece moved out today, which is good and bad and I don't have the time to go into the reasons why. But it will be nice to get our privacy back and now my son can sleep in his own bed instead of mine. Don't get me wrong, it's great to snuggle and all, but both my son and my husband are bed hogs and I end up sleeping on the very edge of the bed holding on for dear life. I just don't get any rest that way. Which is not a good thing. Sleep is great. Almost as good as cheesecake. Notice I said Almost, not as good as. Nothing is as good as cheesecake. NOTHING.

I'm a little confused as to what appears to be going on behind the scenes or screens I guess on some peoples blogs. But then I guess it's none of my business or I would be getting mysterious e-mails or comments posted. I'm not as cool as I thought apparently. However, I rest secure in the knowledge that no news is good news and I'm not sure I want to be receiving distressing e-mails or what not. I know curiosity killed the cat, but does it kill anything else? Good question. An even better question, why do stores that are open 24 hours a day have locks on the doors? And what's up with the saying "sure as hell". Example: "I'm sure as hell not going to pick up that dog shit barehanded!" Or sure as shit for that matter. How sure are shit and hell. Well shit happens eventually, but hell? Things to ponder, for sure.

Last night after giving my kids a bath, my son was running around bare ass neked yelling, "Look at my butt, look at my butt!" Now granted he has a cute little tush, but the only people there to actually look at his butt are the people that have already seen it. Sometimes I wonder about him. If he didn't look so much like his father I'd think he'd been switched at birth.

Help!
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Dazed and Confused
Ok, any of you computer knowledgable people out there, I need some assistance. For some reason I can't see the comments or comment on Pepito's blog. This is the only blog that for some reason this has happened to me. It used to only be on my computer at work and now it's at home too. So, if you know why this happened or what may have caused this and you can tell me how to fix it, I would greatly appreciate it as I miss having the ability to be a smart ass to a man I don't know.

I hope everyone has had an enjoyable weekend. I did with the exception of my daughter thinking she could swim in the big pool all by herself. Thank god for life jackets, without it she would have sunk and possibly drowned. Not that I like to think about it, but if you're a parent it's hard not to. And you would think with at least 8-9 adults outside standing around the pool that a toddler wouldn't be able to just jump on in, but apparently that's what she did, because she told me so and was quite impressed with herself and has not developed a fear of water. She's ok and her head had just barely gone into the water when I felt an insane surge of panic and told my husband that I didn't see her. He jumped in and got her and that's what probably scared her the most was her dad yelling her name and diving into the pool fully clothed. But all's well that ends well and she threw a fit when she asked if she could go swimming today and was told no. Not because I'm afraid, but because we don't have a pool.


So, now that I've vented for you, I'll give you one of my more embarassing moments.

I was about 7 or 8 years old and my grandma had given me a really cool pair of shorts. They were a little on the big side, but that didn't stop me from wearing them. Problem is, I have terrible allergies and while standing in the kitchen with all my aunts trying to be cool and adult, I sneezed and not just any sneeze, but one big enough to cause my shorts to fall down around my ankles.

Why I've just told you this, I don't know, but I made myself laugh and that's what is most important right? And if you ever try to blackmail me with it, I'll deny everything.

WTF???????????????
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Bust A Move by Young MC
Ok, I've put away my soapbox now. I thing I'm going to retire it, or maybe not. I was very angry last week for some reason. Possibly a combo of PMS and a lack of caffeine. Sorry guys. I can't believe I used the F word on a post on someone else's blog. Tsk tsk tsk, that's not just not me. Well, maybe not most of the time anyway.

Thanks for all the nice comments guys. And as per flyrchld, I'll now be know as saint princess. Just kidding, but it was nice for a moment. I think I'll keep my sainthood private for now. I've been really busy reading everyone else's blogs and not attending my own, but they've given me some really good ideas. So, I'd like to ask those who stop by to answer some questions, in the hopes that we'll remind ourselves of some really funny shit and laugh ourselves silly. I could really use it right now. I'm just exhausted. Long week at work and all. But! On to the questions!

What was the weirdest thing that made you laugh til you cried?

For me it was while watching the movie Titanic and the ship is sinking and as the back end comes up out of the water a guy either jumps or falls off the boat and hits the prop and you can actually hear the extraordinarily loud "BONG" as he hits it. I don't know why, but it just struck me as incredibly hiliarious and I laughed so hard I almost wet myself.

What song would you never admit to liking in front of your friends/spouse/whoever? (and I'm not actually in front of you, so this doesn't count)

I actually own, not one, not two, but three Britney Spears CD's. So I'm going to take a leap and admit to liking more than one of her songs. Hit me baby one more time!

What movie that totally bombed did you rent/buy and watch in secret?

Gigli, and I thought it was pretty damn funny. Except for the weird part where Al Pacino showed up. And I get extra credit because I actually walked into Hollywood Video and rented it! It's worth it, just to hear the guy sing I like big butts and cannot lie! Now you want to watch it don't you?

What's the most embarassing thing you've said or were trying to say and it came out totally wrong?

I was trying to ask my boss if we had any disks and it came out "Do we have any dicks?" I couldn't look him in the eye again for at least a good half hour and then I laughed so hard I cried.

Have a good weekend everybody.
Princess

Whoa!
Mood:  mischievious
Now Playing: Oops I Did It Again!
I think I use exclamation points too much. I guess I do that instead of typing in all caps. Oh well, on to other things. I think I've managed to start an e-brawl. If not, whew! But, in my defense I just hate people that always assume the worst about people. What ever happened to innocent until proven guilty?

I'm defending someone that has humbly asked for help and that in my opinion deserves it. So, if I've pissed some people off with my language or attitude then that's just too damn bad. How dare you point fingers and make snap judgements. Is it because you were screwed over once or are you just an asshole all of the time? Don't take out your anger and frustrations with the world on other people.

Lanie, sweetheart, when I saw your response on Rance's blog to RD's plea for Wacky Wafers, I really did have the urge to be a brat, but for some reason I held my tongue. Now I'm glad I did and I'm so sorry for the situation that you're in and that you and RD reached a peaceful conclusion. I just feel that I WANTED to come to your defense as your issue is real tragedy and the candy thing was not as important. (RD no offense meant honey, I did call Wonka and received my coupon in the mail. Wohoo!)

Hopefully Lanie will get the help she needs and the jerk that wants to think the worst will get a voodoo chicken shot his way.

Believe It or Not
Mood:  incredulous
Now Playing: Take this job and shove it
The company I work for is a small family owned business, there's may about 10 employees total. Anyway, recently my sister-in-law asked my husband and I if she and her daughter could move down to San Diego with us and get away from Fresno and a bad situation there. So, my company was looking for someone to work the graveyard shift. It's pretty boring and doesn't pay much. Basically your getting paid to stay awake. Golden opportunity right, go ahead move on down! I've even got a job for you, so you don't have to worry about money. She happily accepted and started a few days later. To make a long story short, she couldn't stay awake and she also couldn't make it to work on time. And on her second night of work, managed to get herself locked out of the building. Sweet right? Through all this my supervisor was patient and kind about the mistakes, lateness, and sleeping. However, just a few short nights ago, my dear SIL managed to sleep through something very important and pissed off a major client. Now whom do you think the axe got handed to? That's right, yours truly. I had to fire my own SIL. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be and she did sort of know it was coming, but still not one of my shining moments. Bottom line, if you know someone that lives in the San Diego area and is looking for a totally kick back job and isn't looking to become a millionare, drop me a line. I've got just the job for them.

Sunday-The day of rest
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: The sound of silence
I was going to clean the house today, and managed to clean the kitchen and that was it. Why does it involve so much work? I need a maid and a nanny. Or maybe I need a wife myself. Wives are great, we do all the work. I want someone to cook dinner and clean up and do the laundry and chase the kids around so I can sit on the couch and hold the remote. I think men must have really strong thumbs from all that channel changing. And I know a lot of women that are closet channel changers. When nobody is around the push that button like they're goin' for the right question on Jeopardy. But, I need to get back to the point. Which I can't remember what it was because I had to stop what I was doing because I heard a really loud bang come from my daughter's room and it's now Monday. Glad to see that everybody's or mostly everybody is back. Now if Rance would just post more often.