I'm getting out my magnifying glass and funny lookin' hat
Mood:  mischievious
Now Playing: Pink Panther theme
This could just be me and the result of having too much time on my hands. But, I find it extremely suspicious that Pepito, Rance, and Gus Openshaw all quit blogging around the same time. Pepito is possibly on set, Rance is for the most part retired, and Gus, well nobody knows for sure.

I'm not going to go on an endless internet search for the truth, cause I really don't have that much time on my hands and I don't know that I really want to know the truth. And I think I'm turning this into a bizarre, rambling post. Cause once again I can't sleep and all I have to keep me entertained is reading my own blog and bad tv.

Did everybody have a good weekend?

Fly, I finally saw Open Range with Kevin Costner and Robert Duvall. ZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! Maybe I need to catch it from the beginning. Kevin looked a little ragged didn't he?

I'm bored and rambling, so I'll quit torturing you now.

Foreshadowing
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Ludacris
Yesterday was not a good day for me. First I wound up having to take the truck to get smogged because the dealership we bought it from didn't do it, on my lunch hour no less. Then I had to back our suburban in to this teeny tiny work bay to get the smog test done. Terrifying, I assure you.

After that I had to leave work early so I could take the dog in to get her shots so she could go to obedience class last night. That was a challenge, with two kids and one very excited to be takin' a road trip dog.

When we made it home from that little adventure I had to drive to downtown San Diego to pick up some lights for our garage. Which would have been fine if it was daylight, but due to the delay from the vet's office visit, it was now full dark outside when we headed off for parts unknown. I had directions, but they were shitty. I drove around for about 30 minutes and finally found the place. But to load the lights in the back I had to move the carseats up and then fold the back seat down.

I got home around 9pm, not cool for a school night. I laid down on the couch with my son and when I woke up around midnight I realized I had broken a nail. On my middle finger, how appropriate.

I overslept this morning and then when I bent down to tie my son's shoes, the underwire in my last good bra broke.

My point in all this bitching is that I hope all this isn't a taste of what my weekend is going to be like.

Have a good weekend everybody and hopefully I will too.

Is it happy hour yet?
Mood:  party time!
Now Playing: Margaritaville
Have you ever had one of those days that starts out ok and by 9am is totally in the crapper?

I just love how my husband calls in sick to work and then calls me and tells me that they want him to come in any way, so can I go get the truck smogged, have the tires on the car changed and whatever else he can think of. HELLO!!!!! I'm at work! Just when am I expected to do this when I get off at 4:30 and have to pick up the kids by no later than 5:30? Yep, I'm supposed to give up my lunch hour.

So, now that I'm done complaining. It's Friday eve! Wohoo!!!! I'm gonna have me some margaritas tomorrow night! Maybe I'll even order a pizza and rent a movie. Aw yeeeeahh! I'm goin' all out. You best believe if anybody knows how to have a party, it's not me. Nope, sorry it's not. Who am I kidding, by 10pm I can barely keep my eyes open. Usually I fall asleep with the kids and then when I wake up, cause at some point I usually do, I go and sneak the ice cream so I don't have to share! Now that's a good time. Peace and quiet and a scoop of Cherry Garcia.

By far the best thought of all time was chocolate covered fruit. You get the best of both worlds. Fruit is good for you and hey, chocolate has milk in it right? Ice creams got milk or cream or whatever in it too right? So there you have it, a very nutritional snack. And if some extra chocolate syrup and cool whip (lord, I love me some cool whip) manages to just appear on top of the ice cream, they who would want that to go to waste?

Another extremely righetous thought, desserts that are really meant for two or more people, but you eat them all by yourself! YES!!!!!!!!! Cheesecake at Outback Steakhouse. Or Bailey's Irish Whiskey cheesecake at Dalton's Roadhouse. Oooooohhhhhhhh, I need to stop! I'm gonna hurt myself. Or go bustin' through the door of some fine establishment and start demanding cheesecake like some sort of crazed lunatic.

Let me know when the tequila cheesecake arrives.

The Best Stuff on Earth?
Mood:  cheeky
Now Playing: Things That Make You Go Hmmmmmmmmmmmm
If Snapple is supposedly made from the best stuff on earth, why does it only contain 10% actual fruit juice? Maybe it's made from the best high fructose corn syrup on earth and vegetable juice for color? Silly me I thought I was drinking apple juice, claiming to be all natural. How natural is apple juice that contains extra sugar and vegetable juice?

Makes you wonder if what you eat and drink is actually what it claims to be.

My boss is sitting at his computer listening to sound clips from South Park. Workin' hard or hardly workin'? Bet he doesn't know what I'm doing right now. Hardly workin' of course. Duh! Hahaha, I'm getting paid to blog. Oops, almost got busted.

We have a hamster and we also have one of those plastic balls that you can put the hamster in so it can walk around and not escape. So, the hamster is out and all of the sudden I hear my son laughing hysterically. I walk into the room and my son is spinning the ball like a damn top and the poor hamster looked like it was about to pass out. How terrifying, to be that small and at the mercy of a four year old. I put the little guy away, the hamster, not my son. Now every time my kids go near the cage the hamster hides in the corner. I think it's even be acting like it's asleep. Pretty smart hamster.

Mom, can I put my butt in the toilet?
Mood:  chatty
Now Playing: Starsky & Hutch
My daughter just asked me if she could put her butt in the toilet? Why would someone Want to do that? I asked her, but she couldn't think of a reason. Maybe it's because she's two and doesn't really know why.

She loves the bathroom, particularly putting a whole roll of toilet paper into the toilet and then trying to flush it. Never has worked, never will. But watching mommy clean it up is apparently quite entertaining! And if you lack toilet paper, you can always use mommy's nice white hand towels instead. Yeah, mommy doesn't have those any more.

She also likes to get into my make-up and whatever else she can get her hot little hands on. Like panty liners and tampons. My husband heard her playing in there one day and went in to investigate and found her pretending my tampons were cigarettes. Interesting choice for a pretend cigarette. She thinks the panty liners are stickers and once went through a whole package of them decorating the bathroom. A lovely site I assure you.

The best incident by far was the shampoo in the toilet. I had thrown away a mostly empty bottle of baby shampoo in the waste basket next to the toilet. I guess she got bored while sitting on the pot and spotted the shampoo bottle just awaitin' an experimental gal like herself to come along and see what she could come up with. Her thought was to completely empty the bottle into the toilet. For two hours every time you flushed the toilet and nice little bunch of bubbles appeared. She flushed the toilet a lot in that two hours. But hey, she was happy and entertained.

Victory is Mine!!!!!
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: Eye of the Tiger
Short post today, just to check in. I'm on a roll cleaning the house and I'm just waiting for the kitchen floor to dry.

I noticed the ads above my last post and one states to Unburden Your Colon. Don't most people do that on a daily basis already? And why would anyone want a hose shoved up their booty to cleanse their colon. It's just gonna get full of shit again anyway.

On to my victory speech. I decided to try my hand at my son's playstation2 last night and went for the Finding Nemo video game. I kicked that game's ass!!! Sure it's meant for kids, but I'll take a little taste of victory any way I can. When I was finished I strutted around the room humming the theme from Rocky with my fists in the air. My son thought this was rather amusing and told me I'm crazy. He better be careful, some people think that type of thing is genetic.

Day of Indulgence?
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Sympathy For the Devil
I went to this so called day of indulgence sponsored by Club Mom. It was anything but indulgent. I drove half an hour to stand in line for an hour and then sit in line for another half hour to get a ten minute massage. I tried waiting in line to get my eyebrows waxed, but the wait was going to be another hour and I had to leave because rush hour traffic was starting and it was probably going to take me an hour and half and I had to get back in time to pick up my kids. The point was, you could get your hair and nails done, get a massage, have your tarot cards read and get a bunch of free samples and they were also having raffles to when gift baskets and stuff. But the problem was, they let way to many women in and the lines were so long that only the women that didn't have any where to go could actually afford to stay in line long enough to do all that. They didn't have near enough staff or anything else to accommodate all the women there. Day of indulgence, more like day of incompetence, day of indigestion, day of extreme irritation. I was so mad when I left that if any body had thought to ask me if I had a good time, I probably would have bit their head off.

Now, on to the better part of the day. I was standing in line for the massage and I could hear the women behind me talking about losing weight. And one of the ladies was describing how she only had a salad and one slice of french bread pizza to eat yesterday and she gained two pounds. "No matter what I do, I just can't lose any weight" she says. "I just don't understand it. I'm so frustrated. I hate carrying all this weight around". Now, just about the time she finishes her complaint, her comes the girl with the Krispy Kremes. Said overweight lady was so distraught and so on the path of weight loss that she took two. Presumably one for each hand.

I'm all for stuffing your face in a trough of Ben & Jerry's, but in the privacy of your own home. Where you can do it on the couch and eat right out of the carton while watching a damn good movie with a really hot guy in it. My point is, if you're going to complain publicly about being fat or whatever, don't stuff your face with Krispy Kreme dough nuts, after complaining about it. At least in all your righteousness attempt to look like you actually intend to follow through with it. Eat some fruit or something.

Now, before you think I'm pickin' on all the overweight people, I have an admission to make. I am an overweight person. Not horrendously so, but enough that you won't get me and Cindy Crawford confused should we stand next to each other. That's not likely to happen, but hey, you never know. I struggle daily to keep away from all the junk and fast food. And just for the record, I turned down the dough nut. I'm constantly on a diet and not because I think I need to be thin to be beautiful. I'm uncomfortable about 90% of the time. I don't have any energy and it's incredibly hard to find clothes that fit right. So, I've given up my boyfriends (Ben & Jerry) and I take my lunch to work instead of ordering the double bacon cheeseburger and super size fry's, like I really want to.

Sorry to go off on a rant, but today was not an especially good day.

On the up side, we have surveillance cameras in our office and you can or I should say, we can access them on the internet. I was cruisin' around looking at myself running around and noticed my boss picking his NOSE in his office. I printed a still picture of the big boss man in action and taped it to the inside of the front door, so all my co-workers could see it. Pretty damn funny and not coincidentally, the highlight of my day.

A crazy random thought & look, I got Top Billing!
Mood:  quizzical
Now Playing: I guess you're just what I needed - The Cars
I was listening to my boss's son berate the paper shredder earlier today and heard him tell it not to be a pussy. Now, what really concerns me is that not only was he talking to an inanimate object, but calling it names too.

When men tell someone or something not to be a pussy, do they mean pussy cat or the other kind of pussy? And if they mean the OTHER kind of pussy, why is that considered a derogatory term? Like it's a bad thing to be what most of them spend 80% of their lives trying to get into or talking about. I don't get it. Like telling somebody not to act like a dick. How exactly does a dick act? Sure, I've seen my share of porn, but never actually witnessed an actual penis perform Shakespeare. Is it such a bad thing to be a dick. They must have a lot of fun. Men enjoy having them.

Clearly, my mind is in the gutter today and I apologize if I've offened anyone. I often wonder about these things and I figure what could be a better place to ask that somewhere that reaches so many people? Of course that I know of, no men have read my blog, so this may not work out in my favor after all. But hey, who knows.

I'm quite surprised that another e-brawl hasn't started due to the postings on Rance's blog, but I guess it's a good thing. Maybe we can all act like adults. That would be nice wouldn't it? Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and nobody is being forced to agree with it. If you don't like, then don't read it. I saw what I expected to see as a result of RD's post to Rance. I'm glad she got an answer of some sort. I started my own blog because, hey why not! I enjoy reading other people's blogs, hopefully some will enjoy reading mine. And I like to read my own writing. Sort of like talking to yourself, you always say what you want to hear.

Well, I came back to the office so I could get some work done and have spent the last 20 minutes typing, so I need to get to work! And now they're playing crappy instrumental music on the radio. It totally blows!!!!

Long weekends really mess me up
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: I'm not exactly sure
I like three day weekends, if only because that's three days to sleep in, instead of two. And I can procrastinate on my housework a little longer. But, come Tuesday I'm all confused. I feel like it's Monday and now here it is Wednesday and I feel like it's only Tuesday and I should be excited about the weekend, but I feel out of whack. What it feels like to be in whack, I can honestly say I don't know. Logic would indicate that it's the opposite of the way I feel now, but I'm not so sure.

My oh so lovely sister-in-law and niece moved out today, which is good and bad and I don't have the time to go into the reasons why. But it will be nice to get our privacy back and now my son can sleep in his own bed instead of mine. Don't get me wrong, it's great to snuggle and all, but both my son and my husband are bed hogs and I end up sleeping on the very edge of the bed holding on for dear life. I just don't get any rest that way. Which is not a good thing. Sleep is great. Almost as good as cheesecake. Notice I said Almost, not as good as. Nothing is as good as cheesecake. NOTHING.

I'm a little confused as to what appears to be going on behind the scenes or screens I guess on some peoples blogs. But then I guess it's none of my business or I would be getting mysterious e-mails or comments posted. I'm not as cool as I thought apparently. However, I rest secure in the knowledge that no news is good news and I'm not sure I want to be receiving distressing e-mails or what not. I know curiosity killed the cat, but does it kill anything else? Good question. An even better question, why do stores that are open 24 hours a day have locks on the doors? And what's up with the saying "sure as hell". Example: "I'm sure as hell not going to pick up that dog shit barehanded!" Or sure as shit for that matter. How sure are shit and hell. Well shit happens eventually, but hell? Things to ponder, for sure.

Last night after giving my kids a bath, my son was running around bare ass neked yelling, "Look at my butt, look at my butt!" Now granted he has a cute little tush, but the only people there to actually look at his butt are the people that have already seen it. Sometimes I wonder about him. If he didn't look so much like his father I'd think he'd been switched at birth.

Help!
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Dazed and Confused
Ok, any of you computer knowledgable people out there, I need some assistance. For some reason I can't see the comments or comment on Pepito's blog. This is the only blog that for some reason this has happened to me. It used to only be on my computer at work and now it's at home too. So, if you know why this happened or what may have caused this and you can tell me how to fix it, I would greatly appreciate it as I miss having the ability to be a smart ass to a man I don't know.

I hope everyone has had an enjoyable weekend. I did with the exception of my daughter thinking she could swim in the big pool all by herself. Thank god for life jackets, without it she would have sunk and possibly drowned. Not that I like to think about it, but if you're a parent it's hard not to. And you would think with at least 8-9 adults outside standing around the pool that a toddler wouldn't be able to just jump on in, but apparently that's what she did, because she told me so and was quite impressed with herself and has not developed a fear of water. She's ok and her head had just barely gone into the water when I felt an insane surge of panic and told my husband that I didn't see her. He jumped in and got her and that's what probably scared her the most was her dad yelling her name and diving into the pool fully clothed. But all's well that ends well and she threw a fit when she asked if she could go swimming today and was told no. Not because I'm afraid, but because we don't have a pool.


So, now that I've vented for you, I'll give you one of my more embarassing moments.

I was about 7 or 8 years old and my grandma had given me a really cool pair of shorts. They were a little on the big side, but that didn't stop me from wearing them. Problem is, I have terrible allergies and while standing in the kitchen with all my aunts trying to be cool and adult, I sneezed and not just any sneeze, but one big enough to cause my shorts to fall down around my ankles.

Why I've just told you this, I don't know, but I made myself laugh and that's what is most important right? And if you ever try to blackmail me with it, I'll deny everything.